As more and more people, through the decades, have struggled with the dilemma of unhappy marriage vs. divorce, couples are learning to deal with divorce in increasingly healthy and positive ways. We are seeing more and more divorces where the parents are maintaining positive ex-spousal relationships with one another and participating in workable joint custody arrangements. Divorced parents are learning how to coordinate their lives geographically to allow each parent to be an integral part of the children's lives.

It would certainly be ideal if there were no need for divorce, particularly when children are involved. It would be nice if couples did not have to be confronted with two negative options: remain in unhappy marriages or endure the negative aspects of broken family arrangements. I think that, as a society, there is much we can do to decrease the need for divorce. We can attempt to raise people to be healthier; to have strong self-esteem, greater self-awareness etc., so people are more capable of making healthy choices regarding their marriage partners. We can encourage people to participate in pre-marital counseling so they are better prepared for the complexities of marriage. We can teach people good communication and conflict resolution skills. We can encourage people to marry later in life, after they have a clearer and more solid sense of themselves, and thus have a better chance of choosing a parenting partner with whom they will be able to maintain a satisfying and workable long-term relationship. All of this would help decrease the need for divorce. However, I conclude that, even in a society of highly evolved, extremely healthy human beings, divorce would still exist. Even two people who have a very satisfying and viable marriage for ten or twenty years, may grow and change as people and find that they can no longer meet one another's needs.

I firmly believe that during the centuries when we had a very low divorce rate we also had a very high level of unhappy marriages. Many downright miserable marriages lasted in the past because people were taught that it was a sin to terminate a marriage. A substantial number of marriages will continue to end in divorce, even when children are involved. By acknowledging the possibility of divorce, couples will be better equipped to deal with divorce in a healthy manner if they need to.