Until fairly recently in human history, marriage almost always led to children. It is still quite common for friends and relatives to begin almost immediately inquiring of recently married couples: "So when are you going to have children?"; as if no one would get married unless they intended to raise a family together. A substantial percentage of married couples do not have children, for a variety of reasons: concerns about overpopulation, infertility, or simply not wanting to parent. Therefore, it is important that we begin viewing the decision to marry, and the decision to become parents, as totally separate decisions. I believe that each of these passages should have its own ritual. Marriage rituals should prepare people for marriage. If the people decide to become parents together, at a later date, a separate ceremony should be held to deal with the issues of parenthood.*

Given the need for a separation of marriage and parenthood, the marriage rituals on the following pages focus on the relationship the marital partners will have with one another as spouses. I have also written a parenthood ceremony; which deals with the relationship between the prospective parents and their children, and their relationship with one another as parenting partners. The parenthood ceremony can be downloaded on my website: personalgrowthresources.com.

As far as the logistics of wedding ceremonies and parenting ceremonies, I think this would vary greatly. Couples who choose to have a large wedding ceremony might not wish to bear the financial burden of having another large community celebration when they become parents. They might therefore choose to only invite immediate family and a few close friends to the parenting ceremony. Some couples may choose to have a more private wedding ceremony, and a large parenthood celebration. Obviously some couples will chose to marry specifically because the woman is pregnant. In this case I think it is important that this combination ceremony address the relationship of the partners with one another, as well as their relationship to their children.